So, today’s my dad’s birthday *yap, on the same date of Nations Awakening Day of Indonesia*.. And,, I just realized that I’ve done such irritating behaviours to my dad tonight. Huhu.. As a reminder of how I’ve been such a pain in the ass for my dad tonight,, and also to honor my dad’s birthday,, therefore I find myself writing this post rite now.. *Really, it left me in such guilty feeling*
As usual, Monday is the dentist-visiting day. And, as usual, I booked a travel to Jakarta at usual time,, 3 pm. Just right before I left, I was somehow reminded that today’s the Nation’s Awakening Day (Thanks to Intan & Ben for that) which also reminded me to my dad’s birthday. Then I thought “Gosh, I don’t get a chance to buy any present for him“, which then I consider as irritating behaviour #1. Then I tried to plan something in return,, such as an early morning surprise. It’d be as simple as bringing birthday cake followed by blowing candles and, of course, completed by eating the cake ;p. *Okay, I know it’s not something creative at all*
While I was in the travel, I got a phone call from an IT-related-business-owner who told me when my presentation will due. It kinda stressed me when i found out it’s due on wednesday (which is the next day!). What made me panic was, I was required to revise my presentation while I still have a “Tugas Besar” and a Final Exam dued on Thursday. Suddenly I felt rushed. I have 3 important tasks to be done within less than 1 day. So, as I finished the regular dentist-visiting-time, I asked my father whether I could go back to Bandung right away (on the day before my dad’s birthday). Which then, I consider as irritating behaviour #2.
Predictably, my dad forbid! And I argued like “Tapi kan aku ada kerjaan“. And my dad was like “Ah, alesan kamu mah selalu kerjaan. Males papa.” And I kept on arguing that these ones were surely urgent and important. In some points, I was being annoying which then I consider as irritating behaviour #3. At that point my dad was like “Papa juga banyak kerjaan, tapi papa gak egois“. And it kept me silent the whole driving time from the dentist to my home. Somehow, this silent thing lead to ackward situation that can be considered as irritating behaviour #4.
During the silence, I flashed back. *Yep, I guess this is what people do when they regret doing something bad* I remembered back on my birthday. Nicely, my dad congratulated me and offered himself to come to Bandung, to treat me a lunch or dinner during his workday which was understandably busy. So different from the way I acted tonight which showed questionable priority.
And then I remembered the last time I got hospitalized. My dad would always visit me in his lunch break, just to check whether I’d eaten or hadn’t. If hadn’t eaten, my dad would help me eat *you know,, disuapin*. I, spoiledly, used to not eat until my dad nyuapin. Hehe.. *I’m embarassed actually* And also remembering my hospital bill, which my dad had to pay, was enough to buy motorcycles *the comparison is quiet frightening, isn’t it?*. And so many other sacrifices have been made by my dad for me.
Yet, he still loves me.
As I learned from my dad, I need to requestion my priorities. Is it worthed it to have all my so-called-kerjaan done while letting my dad’s down like last night? I figured out that my dad’s succumbed a lot while I, insensitively, demand to him a lot. Not just monthly expenses money, but also time, attention, patience, understanding, and yet.. EVERYTHING. But one thing for sure, HE NEVER COMPLAINED. It’s such an unconditional love *call me dangdut or anything, but I don’t care, hehe*.
One thing to be enlightened, next time, I just have to be clear about my priorities. And it’s certainly everyone I love. My family, my friends…
For instance, my study is important. My family would be proud and delighted if I had it done succesfully. But it should not be the reason to upset everyone you care about. It should not be an obsession. *Do you get the point?*
For everything you do, it should be helpful and positively brings tremendeous impact to others. And whatever positive things you do (positive things=things that’s done based on good will), it should be clearly unsacrificing for others *if you know what I mean*. That would bring a lot of meaning to your existence.
Pa, forgive me for being too selfish, not just for tonight, but totally for all my life.
*Really, I shed a tear*
You know I love you, I’ll always do. *you too, Ma*
*As I said before, I wrote this to honor your birthday, Pa…*
That “birthday card” is the best I can create due to limited resources : pictures, software (no corel or photoshop), and idea! Hehe.. Well, hopefully the thought that counts.